Wedding Vows of Leo Dirac & Maegan Ashworth

As promised on September 19, 2009.

I. Traditional vows, the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy

Leo:
Maegan, I take you to be my spouse.
All that I have I offer you;
what you have to give I gladly receive;
where you go I will go.
You are my love, this day and always.

Maegan:
In the Name of God, I, Maegan, take you, Leo, to be my husband.

Leo:
Woohoo!

Maegan:
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness in --

Leo:
Hold on. Sick? Poor?

Maegan:
Yes. I promise to not give up on you when you're not at your best.

Leo:
What if I fall off a cliff? and can't walk? or get Alzheimers?

Maegan:
No matter what. I will stroke your head and keep you fed and safe from harm.

Leo:
You're right. I'm in this for the long haul too. And promise to stay with you, no matter what.


Maegan:
But for now, things are great, and we must work to keep them that way.

Leo:
Tell me more.

II. Communication and Mis-communication

Maegan:
I, Maegan, promise to say "please" and "thank you."

Leo:
Really? Please and thank you?

Maegan:
To not cut you off when you're trying to express yourself.

Leo:
Even when I'm babbling? Cuz I wouldn't mind sometimes, you know, it's alright if you do cut me...

Maegan:
I promise to use our love as a workshop for practicing how to treat people well, and not let our familiarity excuse rudeness.

Leo:
Well said.

I promise never to take you for granted.
and I promise to always give you the benefit of the doubt.

Maegan:
I promise not to attribute to malice or indifference that which can be explained by mis-communication or insecurity.

Leo:
That's good. Because sometimes I get insecure.

Maegan:
When I feel like you're accusing me of something, I promise to pause and think of at least one alternative interpretation of what you said.


Leo:
Please try not to blame yourself when you don't need to.

Maegan:
Okay.


Leo:
Because sometimes things might seem difficult, but really they're not and we shouldn't make them any worse they are.

Maegan:
But sometimes things will actually be hard, and we need to deal with that too.

Leo:
Okay. I can do it.

III. Conflict, Feedback

Leo:
I promise to be emotionally honest with you, and never hide my feelings even if they're uncomfortable.
I promise to listen to your feelings with empathy and respect them even when I don't understand them.
If you tell me something is important to you, I will also value it, even if it wasn't important to me before.

Maegan:
Me too.

I promise to tell you when something you've done has hurt my feelings.
And to tell you when I think you've done something wrong.
And not to equate the one with the other.

Leo:
Does that mean it's okay for me to hurt your feelings?

Maegan:
No. But sometimes my feelings will get hurt when what you've done isn't exactly wrong.
But I still need to tell you and explain why.


Leo:
Mmmm. I see.

I promise to put aside my ego and listen to your feedback with my defenses lowered.
And when I think you could do better, I promise to give you feedback, but also to take responsibility for my contribution to any conflict.

Maegan:
I will tell myself that your criticism is a chance to learn from a caring friend, and not a sign of failure.

Leo:
Thank you.


Maegan:
I promise not to speak badly about you to other people.

Leo:
But what do you do when you're actually frustrated with me? Sometimes we'll need to discuss our relationship frankly with our friends.

Maegan:
Yes, but I promise do so in a non-critical way.

Leo:
As do I.

Maegan:
I promise to nurture friendships that will support our union and encourage you to do the same.

Leo:
Because we want our community to be there to help us stay together. Right?

Audience:
RIGHT!



Leo:
Whew. Okay, I think we're through the really hard stuff. But there's more! Let's talk about growing together...

IV. Growth, Cooperation

Leo:
I promise to always seek to collaborate with you rather than to compromise.

Maegan:
But sometimes we'll have to compromise.

Leo:
Probably sometimes. But it's much better if we find solutions that make us both happy, rather than those where we both have to give up something. And I promise to strive for those.

Maegan:
I promise to act as if we're playing a positive sum game, even when it seems otherwise.

Leo:
With your help, I will strive to generate surplus.

Maegan:
Like an emotional surplus?

Leo:
Yeah. A surplus of good emotions OR a material surplus. Anything that we can share with those who need in our community or in the world at large.

Maegan:
As do I, but I further promise to consider your needs before committing myself to other individuals, institutions or causes.

Leo:
Thank you.

I promise to always encourage your dreams, and to directly support them whenever I can.

Maegan:
I will support you in becoming more and more the person you want to be, the person God calls you to be.

Leo:
I'm sure we will shift roles throughout our lives, and I will support you in redefining yourself.

Maegan:
I won't put you in a box.

Leo:
Moreover, I will encourage you to always keep growing.

Maegan:
And I promise to nudge you if you ever get stuck.

V. Conclusion

Leo:
I promise not to take unjustified risks that will endanger our time together.

Maegan:
As do I, because I want to spend as much time together in this life as we can.


Maegan and Leo together:
This is our solemn vow.